Victory!?

What truly is the definition of victory? My old roommate, Amanda, might say that my actually writing another post after 7 months is a victory. Yes...well...in my mind the word "victory" sounds so big, as if one had pulled Excalibur from the stone. But victories, I've found, come in varied shapes & sizes. And though on the outside these delicate little packages seem inconsequential, in reality they are milestones & can change one's entire course. Does that mean then that speaking my mind at work for something I felt was important was a victory? It didn't change a thing. What about trying something that nearly scared you speechless, but you'd always wanted to try? Perhaps forgiving a friend who hurt you, trying a new recipe, or smiling at someone when your own world looked very bleak. Are those really considered victories? I would say yes! Ok, an enchilada casserole isn't exactly life altering, nor is gathering up one's courage. But every time I try & when I experience those rare moments of success, I now believe I've gained a victory - victories that shape my life & my character. And I have a feeling that even King Arthur would agree.

Below is one of my victories. I have always wanted to try & sing while playing the piano for an audience, but even the thought scared me to death. However, I gathered up my courage for one of our branch family home evenings, "Union Fort Idol," & gave it a try. I actually won. :)

Auditionally Speaking

This year I have really stepped outside of my comfort zone. In 8 months I have auditioned for 5, nearly 6 different plays. I have only gotten parts in 2 of those nearly 6, but failure brings experience, so I can't complain too much.
In January it was "See How They Run" at the Sugar Factory Playhouse. A British comedy of mistaken identities & my first non-musical, I actually bought a script & practiced the 2 months leading up to auditions. I think the director (who also directed Guys & Dolls) was a bit shocked when I pulled out my cockney accent & I made callbacks without a problem. The lead came down to myself & 2 others, but unfortunately, I do not have the tall, blonde moviestar look, so I lost out on that role. Still, I will say, I have never had so much fun at callbacks.
The second play was "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers," again for the Sugar Factory. Auditions were brutal, because though the song portion went well, the dancing did not. I absolutely love to dance, but throw a routine at me when nerves are already high, go over it only two or three times, throw in a barrel roll & then expect me to do it in front of the director & choreographer? Sure disaster! I did, however, nail the ending kick every time & I walked out hoping that's what they remembered - Yea, right! Since I was a little girl, I have wanted to play the part of Dorcus. I'm not sure why it was her I chose, except Benjamin was positively dreamy in the movie (second from the right), but I desperately wanted to be a "bride." I did not receive a callback & I was devastated. I was also mad at myself for caring so much, but I couldn't help it. However, later that evening, I received a call. Would I be willing to take the part of the preacher's wife? I was much too young, I was told, but she couldn't fit me in as one of the brides & I was too sweet not to have in the play. I wasn't sure what to say. I was thrilled, sort of. I'll give more details later of the production, but I learned a lot about myself in this play & made some amazing friends.
The third play I auditioned for was Sandy Amphitheatre's rendition of "Guys & Dolls." Bruce Craven, who played Skye Masterson in the Sugar Factory version the year before, was the director. The initial audition consisted only of singing, so I did made callbacks. But around 80 people were also asked back & when I entered the building & saw everyone, I came very close to turning & running, not walking right back out to my car. But several deep breaths, one dance routine (which I did pretty well with) & several hours of waiting later, I was dismissed...permanently.
Every last ounce of courage I had went into the fourth audition. Hale Centre Theatre Orem was putting on the "Scarlet Pimpernel." One of my all-time favorite productions, I was determined to give it a try, even though Hale Centre was definitely a step or two above the community theatre scene I was used to. I made an appointment for my audition (something I'd never had to do before) & then realized that the Scera Theatre in Orem was also auditioning for "Hairspray" the same night I had my appointment for the Scarlet Pimpernel. Why not do both? I arrived at the Scera Theatre 20 minutes after auditions opened. A first-come, first-serve basis, I was a bit appalled when I was given the number 57. An hour later they were only up to the number 30 & since I in no way wanted to be late for my audition time with Hale, I left. I was surprised at my calmness when I arrived, but the feeling began to ebb away as I heard the quality of the voices coming from the next room. I have a good voice, but it is not trained & it seemed almost presumptious to think that they would actually see something in me that they would prefer over these other people. Still I wanted to try, so I stepped into the room when my name was called & found myself literally face-to-face & toe-to-toe with a couch lined with people. Other than the couch, there was just enough room for a keyboard, the lady who was playing it & me. Talk about intimidating! I did not receive a callback, but it was probably my best singing audition to that point & I was proud of myself.
My latest audition was yet again for "Hairspray," but this time for the Midvale Main Street Theatre. Once an old-timey movie theatre, it had been converted into a live theatre with tables & chairs arranged throughout the different levels of the room. This audition was also throwing a little something new at me. Besides the normal "upbeat Broadway song," I also had to memorize a 1 minute monologue. Why not add more pressure to the whole situation? But really, I was pleased. Rarely in musical productions does one get the chance to read lines in the audition process, so here was my chance. I memorized a piece from "The Importance of Being Ernest" & practiced it in front of each of my 5 roommates, my parents over the phone & nearly every mirror in the house. I did receive callbacks & despite the dance routine I also received a part. I have no idea how I was even considered for this particular role, but I am now Prudy Pingleton, mother to the main character's best friend & completely opposed to all "modern" singing & dancing. Though certainly not the role I was hoping for, I seem destined to be a "religious" mother, so why not? One cannot complain, especially since lines actually accompany this role, which is a huge step up from my normal muteness on stage. So one day I'll land my dream role, but in the meantime - auditionally speaking - someone hand me a Bible & turn off that horrible Elvis Presley music!

A New Year

I realize with a title like this that it should be January & I should be extolling the virtues of New Year's resolutions & becoming a better me. But it's August, not January & I didn't actually make any resolutions this year. It's not that I didn't want to find a better me, it's just that life began to happen so quickly that pure existance became my only goal. From my boss being "let go" at work to my debit card number being stolen & nearly $500 worth of purchases made. From a roommate who is now engaged to the possibility of moving from a house I've called home for the past 7 years. From not being cast for a part in a play that I'd been looking forward to for over a year to finding new side effects in the game I play called lupus. It's been quite the year & it's only August. So what does one do? Curl up in bed & refuse to venture anywhere near the surface of your covers? Grab a gallon of ice cream & find an industrial size dryer to sit on? Perhaps, but only for a moment. Because feather pillows & extra creamy pineapple passion fruit only goes so far in picking up the pieces of what you thought was your life. So what does one really do? I guess jump in with both feet! After all, I have a job with wonderful coworkers that I call my friends & though it may be stressful & crazy at times, it supports me....period. And whoever the joker was that kifed my debit card number & sent an Oreck vacum cleaner & curling iron to my house, along with subscriptions to movie & game networks & adult entertainment, you had no idea who you were messing with! As for wedding plans, roommates & a place to hang my hat - just imagine an adorable townhouse where the landlord takes care of the lawn & my bedroom is bigger than a cubicle....such possibilities! Even a missed part in a play, a part that you had been imagining since you were a little girl, can be picked up & bandaged. Maybe not fixed, but bandaged with wonderful new friends & talents you never knew you wanted. The lupus now is a different story, but having to actually pay attention to how much sleep you get, the food you eat & the exercise you do is a good thing - annoying, but good. So this may not be the beginning of a new year, but today & tomorrow, next week & next month are all brand new to me!

Going Home

This past week I had the chance to go home to Arizona on vacation. I hadn't been home since Christmas, so setting my bags on my bed & looking around my room brought back a sweet tide of memories. Home was safe, home was where people loved you no matter what. Home was where I learned to work, to share, to serve & to love the Lord. Home was where my love of music, of literature & my independence was developed. It was so nice to be home! Unpacking & sweet memories, however, did not keep the days from passing quickly. Board games with my parents & sister, teaching my mom about the wonders of her computer, watching old movies, playing the piano & visiting friends & family occupied most of my time. However, "early to bed & early to rise" is one of my father's mottos, so the hours after 9pm were basically my own. And I used this time by pulling out a book I had been wanting to read for months & losing myself in it's pages. Again, it was lovely, especially knowing that I might awaken to the smell of homemade pancakes or french toast in the morning & then spend most of the day in my pajamas. Now I realize a trip to Hawaii or visiting Times Square may be much more exciting, much more appealing, but can it truly compare to going home? Returning last night to Utah, I caught up with my roommates on all the happenings while my sister & I were gone. It was the usual work, classes & callings, but one roommate had been keeping in close touch with her family regarding her grandfather who is extremely ill. It hit me as I began unpacking my suitcase, that this dear man, lying ill in a house he had loved & dreamed in for 60 years, was ready to go home. Home where he was safe. Home where a Father & Mother loved him unconditionally & a wife waited with open arms. Home where he had learned how to work, to share, to serve & to love the Lord. A Thanksgiving trip to Arizona is now in the works, but perhaps my plans of going home should also include my first home, my heavenly home. I don't know if there will be homemade pancakes or a piano there, (In my mind heaven wouldn't be heaven without them) but now, no matter what happens or where I am in life, I can always look forward & plan on Going Home.

Have you ever found

that perfect place to sit & think? You know, that one spot where the world feels safe & anything seems possible? I found mine in June. It was the height of rehearsals for Guys & Dolls & though I was enjoying it thoroughly, I was tired. One particular night I came home again to a darkened house, lit only by the light over the stove. It was late, all the roommates were asleep & though I knew I should go straight to bed, I was still wired from the evening. I was also hungry & began wandering through the kitchen & pantry aimlessly looking for something to eat. Unfortunately, I hadn't been grocery shopping for many weeks, but just as I was about to give up & head upstairs, I remembered the pint of blueberry sorbet sitting in the freezer. I grabbed a spoon & then sat down on the nearest available space ~ the dryer. I'm not sure what happened, but as I sat on the dryer, my legs dangling, the icy carton clutched in my hand, I relaxed. Life suddenly didn't seem so hard. Work was actually going ok, rehearsals had been quite fun that evening, I was making a lot of new friends & a soft bed awaited me upstairs whenever I decided I was ready. Surprised, I savored a few more spoonfuls & then jumped off the dryer. Several weeks later, I decided to try it again. Performances had just started with Guys & Dolls & I had been running in & out of a rainstorm all evening. This time I knew right where to go when I walked into the house. Quickly retrieving a spoon from the dishwasher, I climbed up onto the dryer with my pint of coconut pineapple ice cream. It was nearly instantaneous. Despite the rain, the performance had gone well, my supervisor at work had been very understanding about my leaving early each day to get ready for the show & I actually had my Sunday School lesson all prepared, no last-minute cramming. Wow, who knew an ordinary dryer & a few spoonfuls of ice cream could have such an amazing effect! Soon the play ended, life became routine again & I forgot about the dryer, until 2 nights ago. Once more, the day had been long & I was tired. There was always so much to do & never enough time to do it in. As I walked downstairs to get a drink of water, I could hear the hum of the dryer from the laundry room & suddenly I remembered. Finding a spoon, I pulled out my carton of chocolate brownie ice cream & settled myself on the smooth metal surface of the dryer. It was a little chilly in the house & I didn't have my slippers on, but this time the dryer was running & the warmth enveloped me. I had plenty of time to get things done & the weekend was right around the corner. I honestly have no idea if every dryer holds this power, but I think everyone should give it a try. After all, in a world where insecurity abounds, a perfect place, that one spot where anything seems possible, is hard to find.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I absolutely love this time of the year! Indian summer & the autumn days just naturally bring with them an excitement, an anticipation of things to come. I have found this more so now that I live in Utah, than when I called Arizona home. Perhaps it's the change in the weather, the colors that begin to creep over the mountains or the "v's" of geese that fly over. Whatever the case, all I know is that the best things happen when September begins. For instance, what other time of year do you see makeshift stands on every corner selling corn, tomatoes, squash, apples & berries? And the pumpkin patches! What isn't magical about walking out into a huge field covered with pumpkins of every shape & size & searching row after row for just the perfect one to carve? I love it! Then there's the cooler evenings where the only thing you need to be happy is a sweatshirt & a mug of hot chocolate with a few marshmallows floating on top. Rows of corn become mazes & old clothes are sudden possibilities for a Halloween costume. The holidays are tauntingly just around the corner & somehow the past year, despite the rough spots, holds the promise of ending right where we want it to. Oh, & one more thing I forgot to mention...football, BYU football to be precise. I'm sure I could go all Robert Frost on this too, but I think it speaks for itself. 2-0 with a jump from the #20 spot to #9. Pass the chips & dip, this really is going to be the most wonderful time of the year!

For the next few minutes...

After 4 months, 2 plays & a relationship, I'm finally back! I'm tired, but it's been an exciting, heartbreaking & wonderful few months. January through March was spent in practices twice a week for our Stake Melodrama "Shiver Me Timbers." Quick overview: In 1710, the governor of Panama's daughter sets sail to Spain to find a husband. (Perhaps I should try this method.)
The ship's captain has sworn to protect her & of course falls in love with her. Meanwhile, a pirate ship captures them & the pirate captain, who has decided to retire & settle down with a respectable wife, wants to marry the governor's daughter also. Somehow, though it is never explained, along the way the pirates have also captured Gilligan, Ginger & Maryann. This is where I came in. I played the part of Maryann, complete with ponytails, gingham-tied shirts & jean shorts. It was extremely cheesy, with lots of song & dance numbers & the audience was encouraged to boo the villain & cheer for the hero. Our performances were March 11, 13-14, & 16. I had a wonderful time & came to be good friends with a lot of my fellow branch members. (How could you not when you've been acting like a fool in front of them for the past 3 months?) In fact, 7 of us decided to audition the week after the melodrama was over for Guys & Dolls at the Sugar Factory Playhouse. This is the theatre where I had performed State Fair the year before & I was excited. Auditions went well & during callbacks I was even asked to read & sing with a few other girls for the lead role of Sergeant Sarah Brown. I was pleased, but I am an alto & her songs are definitely not. When all was said & done, all 7 of us had gotten parts & I was now switching from a sweet, coconut cream pie making pirate, yelling arghhhh all the time, to a prim & proper "mission doll." Rehearsals started the first part of April & I forgot that in community theatre your life becomes the play. Night after night of rehearsal & my part grew from not only a mission doll, but also a streetwalker, (oh believe me, I got teased mercilessly about this) a jealous wife at one of the HotBox (or nightclub) scenes & a tourist in Havana that ends up in a brawl at the local cabana & decks her husband by mistake. The cast became extremely close & with nearly 25 cast members out of 30 being single, we have all still stayed in touch. Speaking of which, there was one young man named Jonathan Ross, that had been flirting with me a bit during rehearsals & into the show. One night as were standing at the doors of the theatre, greeting our audience as they came out, I saw my great aunt. I had not seen her in over 10 years & she asked if I knew Jonathan, who happened to be standing by me. I said yes & she then informed me that he was my 2nd cousin. You should have seen the look on both of our faces! We both blushed quite red & started laughing. Being close was not always a good thing, however. Colds, pneumonia & flu (dare I say Swine flu?) ran rampant through our cast. Of our 2 week performance run, there were only a few days when the entire cast was together. It seemed like someone was always out sick, or confined to their house by doctor's orders. Fortunately, I was one of the few that did not get sick. Bragging rights, I suppose, but not too loudly. We also had monsoonal weather to deal with almost every evening of our performances. The dressing rooms are not attached to the theatre, so dashing back & forth in the rain, changing costumes & sets & trying not to look like a drowned rat in the process, was quite challenging. I had one costume change that almost killed me every night. In the opening scene I am a streetwalker & somehow ended up being one of the last ones off the stage. A one-minute song later & I am supposed to be in my mission costume & ready at the front doors to enter singing & playing my tamborine for the next scene. I still have dreams about running in my high heels around the building while pulling on my mission jacket & then pretending to sing as I gasp for breath. As for my favorite scenes, I love Havana where I get in the middle of the brawl, but I also really liked the HotBox scene where I play a jealous wife. After hours of sitting at a table during rehearsals watching the HotBox dancers practice, my second husband Mike (my first husband, Dave, was in Havana) & I came up with the plot that he had taken me to this club for my birthday or anniversary (it depended on the night). Unbeknownst to me, it's a strip show & as my enjoyment of the show drops, his increases. After one too many hoots & whistles, he is definitely in the doghouse & his attempts to make amends as we leave, fail miserably. On most nights we got a lot of laughs from the audience. I loved it, even with the rain & everyone being sick, & the crazy costume changes & the one night that I biffed it back stage & blackened both knees. The rough times & pulling together are usually what make the best memories. I take that back, at least a little. I mentioned at the beginning of this post a relationship in amongst all this chaos. Let's just say I learned a lot. If you really want to know what I'm talking about, just listen to #7 on my "Songs I'm Listening To" playlist. Nearly word for word it describes what happened & how I feel about it. And there's my life, at least for the next few minutes.